Breaking from my stream of college creepers, this is a story of a creep I met while hanging with a crowd of hippies and new agers.
There was a woman in our general social group who met this guy “Sam” at the local monthly drum circle. He was fairly attractive, could play didgeridoo, and was good at incorporating the more appealing parts of the new age aesthetic into his self presentation. The woman really liked this about Sam and she decided to start a conversation. They shared some small talk and a discussion or two about new agey topics and soon they became Facebook friends.
She would spend the next two weeks in more random New Age discussions with him on Facebook and telling our smaller friend group about this new dreamy guy she met. He was so spiritual! So evolved! And he was about to spend a week in the desert in Arizona to meditate in the vortexes or something! Wow!
Soon after Sam left for Arizona, like a 10-ton chunk of rock suddenly breaking off and falling from an Arizona cliff face, Sam found a massive wall of text in his Facebook inbox from the woman he’d met one time two weeks before. Wall O’Text, as she shall heretofore be called, had sent him a several paragraphs long message confessing her deep longings for him. There was serious effort put into this. It began with a dramatic description of the setting in which she was writing to him. It was raining. She poured out her love for him, her reasons she thought they should be together and why she felt that they simply must be soulmates.
” Yeah. It rained here too.”
So he either read the intro and stopped reading altogether at the first sign of WTF or only responded to the parts he was mentally prepared to respond to in the hopes that she would get the hint and dial it back.
Did she? Well, no.
Instead, she pored over his response with a group of us during a hangout.
“‘Yeah, it rained here too.’… What does that mean?”
We mostly tuned this part of the conversation out. She barely left us room to answer anyway as she kept running on with her own theories as to what sort of special coded message lay in the words “Yeah. It rained here too.”.
” I think he likes me and this is just his way of being shy and coy about it.”, she said.
This would only be the first time I’d hung out with Wall O’Text outside of an event setting and at this point I’d basically excused myself from ever doing so again. My other friends however, stayed around a while. From what they told me, it got much worse.
A few days of apparent normalcy were followed by yet another sudden giant message from Wall O’Text. She doubled down, listing all of her reasons why she and Sam were soulmates. This time, Sam was straightforward with her and told her he didn’t feel the same way about her.
And then came another session with my friends talking about what it could all “mean”.
My friends at this point knew that they couldn’t just sit back and wait for it to pass. So this time, they spoke up and said that it was pretty clear that Sam didn’t like her that way.
Wall O’Text would have none of it.
“But we are both air signs!”
“But we talked about spiritual things!” (Mind you, at the event we went to, you couldn’t fart and not have it smelled by 5 or more people who talk about spiritual things.)
“He loves me! He just doesn’t know it yet! He’s just not spiritually ready for me because I’m too evolved for him right now!”
So Wall O’Text went back to work crafting yet another wall of text, this time berating Sam for being “emotionally infantile” and having “intimacy issues”.
You might think this would be the end, but soon thereafter came another message of the lovey flowery kind, scarcely different from the previous ones.
The cycle of love him, ask friends for feedback, trash him, ask friends for feedback, love him again, and ask friends for more feedback lasted for a good few months. When Wall O’Text kept coming back with the same story, my friends decided to sit her down and have a talk with her. They tried to tell her that since Sam did not return her feelings, it was time to move on and her fixation was probably unhealthy. My then 20 year old friends were trying to talk sense into a 32 year old woman who didn’t seem to have anything better to do than to sit around trying to figure out all the things that “No.” could possibly mean. She screamed at them, accusing them of not wanting her to “have happiness”.
And then she continued sending lengthy, flowery love messages to Sam.
…and kept coming back to my friends asking what his clearly unenthused responses could mean, as if the right piece of evidence would change their minds and make them say “Well, now that you say that, that DEFINITELY means he’s into you and you’re meant to be together!”. Despite her ostensibly asking them for advice, if what they told her wasn’t what she wanted to hear, then she wasn’t hearing it period.
It got to the point where my friends became angry at him for not cutting off contact because they were so tired of listening to Wall O’Text splitting hairs and reading the sometimes literal tea leaves.
Soon enough though, Sam did threaten to break off contact with her if she didn’t knock it off. She behaved herself for a while. Or at least she behaved herself online.
At the drum circles where they both were present, she would yell into the noisy crowd “I NEED TO FUCK SOMEONE!” and would start humping the floor. Given the noisy chaotic atmosphere of the place and their already high weirdness tolerance, most people just paid her no mind, carefully stepped over her, and let her… do her… thing.
The cycle of long love messages, rejections, threats to break off contact, rinse and repeat began again. She had been rejected politely by Sam countless times and he threatened breaking off contact at least twice.
And then Sam got a girlfriend who was distinctly not Wall O’Text.
Her fury ran in all directions. She was angry at Sam for not giving her what she was owed for her lifetime of meditating on getting her soul mate and at my friends for wanting her to be sad and single because fuck you. She was angry at Sam’s new girlfriend for “stealing his love” from her (by…I dunno…sucking the supposedly subconscious love for Wall O’Text out of his brain?). And yet she still held out hope saying this new girlfriend was just “warming him up” for her.
She took another couple of whacks at trying to change his mind, but she lost the resolve to wait through the duration of their entire relationship. She finally gave up after 6 months of chasing Sam.
She later ended up dating a slightly more bummy clone of Sam, also named Sam, who moved in with her within a few weeks. Not long after, he fled her apartment and never returned, not even bothering to take his furniture. I can’t imagine why.
Examination is coming up next.