9 comments on “Creeper Myth #2 All the Good Looking Popular Guys Get Away With It

  1. Reinforcing gender roles, sorry I can’t support this.

    I’ve got much better advice for guys worried about “being creepy”. Never ever under any circumstances give a woman the opportunity to say no. I’m not advocating rape or kidnapping, but the exact oposit. Don’t ask. It is harmful sexist bigotry that says it’s the man’s obligation to risk rejection. If she is interested in you, expect her to make the first move. Expect HER to do the asking. Expect HER to take the risk of rejection. Do not put her in a position to say ‘no’, put yourself in a position to say “yes”.

    • This is not what I’m saying at all.

      If you read my intro https://themissedcue.wordpress.com/2013/11/24/welcome-to-the-creep-hospital/
      then you’d see that I’m intending this advice for people of any gender who find themselves in the Creep seat. It’s admittedly a work in progress and I’ll be adding a glossary to it. I should have linked to it.

      However, it’s a particularly gendered notion in our society that women simply can’t wait to brutally reject the hell out of men they don’t find attractive even if it means smearing their reputations and making them out to be potentially dangerous creepers. *That* is part of the notion I’m trying to dispel in this post.

      ” Never ever under any circumstances give a woman the opportunity to say no.”
      Really? Because that’s what Creepy Guys do. They use their lack of having triggered a vocal ‘no’ as an excuse to keep hanging around hoping for a ‘yes’ not understanding that rejection doesn’t predicate on you asking questions. You may not ever hear a “no” when you do this, but you may very well hear “GO AWAY”. People catch onto this and often this is exactly what people find creepy. It’s an attempt to *bypass* their non-reciprocation, not respect it and adjust to those terms. So waiting around with concealed intentions and false pretenses? Not something I’d advise to anybody, ever.

      I’m all for busting down gender roles but I’m not sure whether you’re suggesting that we simply *swap* them (which solves absolutely nothing) or that everybody should just always be passive (which simply can’t work).

      My core point is that if an interaction or change in relationship terms is YOUR idea, it’s on you to take responsibility for it and ask – no matter your gender.

      • You misunderstood. I’m not saying wait around with concealed intentions and false pretenses. I’m say DO NOT wait around, DO NOT conceal intention, DO NOT present false pretenses. DO NOT initiate contact. Walk through the room, if no one comes up to YOU and starts a conversation, walk throguh the next room.

        This does kinda take a complete gender reversal. Some one needs to be the initator. Men have been the exclusive iniators for a very long time. It is women’s turn, but even with taking turns, it’s all on women right now.

      • Your method is excessive, unrealistic and far from necessary. Rejection, taken in perspective is not that bad. Certainly it’s not bad enough to re-route one’s entire life around (much less the lives of everyone on earth) in order to avoid it. (Also, I repeat, being rejected and being called creepy are not the same. I deal primarily with the latter in this post.) And just what are gay men supposed to do in a world where men can never initiate anything? Are genderqueer folks the only ones who get to choose which one they feel like doing? If *you* simply don’t like initiating, fine. Not everyone does. Some of us like it just fine, can do so respectfully, and can accept when we are not wanted, and people who wish to learn how to do so can. It’s not brain surgery. If hearing *gasp!* “no” is just so terrifying to you that you’d rather risk missing opportunities and wait for someone else to rescue you from loneliness you refuse to directly do anything about, this is also fine.

        The rest of us have lives to take responsibility for.

      • I agree rejection isn’t all that bad. It’s time for women to step up to the plate and start striking out. Women need to stop routing their entire lives around it.

        And gay men, why would a gay man ever even consider asking a woman out in the first place. Gay men are not interested in women, gay men are interested in men.

        What you are asking for is the continuation of the privilege of not needing to take the emotional risks of initiation while removing the downside of having to deal with unwanted attention. You can’t have it both ways.

      • We agree on that first point, yes. Women need to initiate too. Respectful honesty is good for everyone and it would be great for women to be able to express interest openly without social repercussions. We need this.

        Obviously I’m not talking about gay men asking out women. I’m talking about gay men asking out each other. My advice is not given solely because women are on the other end of the interaction. Men get creeped out too for many of the same reasons by other men and sometimes even by women. This is the kind of silly territory we enter when we talk about how men must just quit initiating because they are men and because genderneutrallanguage decided that as a group their “turn” to initiate is over.

        I’m asking for neither of those things. I can’t even comprehend what it is you think I’m asking for there.

        Seriously, are you reading what you’ve been typing? Have you really thought this idea of yours through? It doesn’t look like it. Nowhere did I say that it is specifically a man’s job to initiate because he is a man. Yet you are coming on here to tell me that it should be a man’s job now because he is a man to instead shut up and let the women come to him, thereby recreating the same double standard that’s been pissing people off for so long. And I’M the one who’s sexist? Yes, my wording in this post is gendered with one sex on the giving end and the other on the receiving. This isn’t essentialism, nor is it an assumption that any other gender combination couldn’t result in the same scenario. It’s just how things tend to happen most often due to how the culture is slanted toward women learning to fear men more than the other way around. What I’m asking for is for people to be able to communicate interest respectfully and without doing things that send unintended messages that frighten people.

        Now if you still think this is wrong, feel free to let me know how by referring to points I actually made and not ones you imagined. Otherwise, you may excuse yourself from this thread.

      • Being on the receiving end of getting asked out is MUCH easier than asking someone out. Women will not choose to take the harder path if all they need to do is stand around and have a vagina. People, all people, and this does include women will take the easiest path to achieve the objectives. If the situation doesn’t change, if we never force women into the position of asking men out or never dating, women won’t start asking men out.
        This is not recreating the double standard, but ending it. This is not part of some dogmatic ideology that says men are inherently oppressed. My solution is not an always and forever solution. It is not an immutable fact. It is the next step that needs to be taken, not the last step. Once women are asking men out with the same frequency men ask women out, my advice will change.

        What you are asking for is that people be able to communicate interest with out doing things that send unintended messages? OK, well then lets talk about women’s clothing…….wait, that’s slut shaming. How is what you are doing different than slut shaming other than your shaming males?

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