Allow me to do away once and for all with the idea that Creepy Guys are guilty of nothing other than flirting while ugly.
There are SO many wrong assumptions in here.
Here’s the first issue and one place where both Creepy Guys and feminists often miss the point completely:
Yes, a woman has the right to determine for herself what attention is wanted or unwanted and from whom. She is under no obligation to be “fair” about this or to equally distribute attention privileges. Attraction is an unfair game to begin with. It’s rigged in favor of some guys (or girls) over others depending on what a particular woman’s preferences are, and this is fine. Certainly, if a woman is made uncomfortable or afraid by you because of prejudice, past trauma or some other thing she associates you with, there’s not a whole lot you can do about that. This isn’t fair either. It’s not your fault, but feeling that way is still her prerogative. Trying to make her get over it right now and just for you is disrespectful and selfish and will not help you.
But being turned down for a date and being called creepy are NOT the same. Let’s stop confusing them now, please.
If a woman just isn’t attracted to you for whatever reason, she might not want to date you but this is not the same as being creeped out by you. The Creep label often comes in the wake of a rejection, yes, but it is perfectly possible to have one without the other. In fact, most rejections don’t even end that way. Though they can be awkward and painful, most often they aren’t a major deal. She might think you’re a perfectly fine person in general. You’re just not right for her and that’s okay. If she’s uncomfortable and afraid, chances are there is something going on other than you just being not-the-right-guy.
Second issue: This idea that creepiness is a synonym for “stuff attractive, popular guys can do but I can’t” is often based in a gross misreading of what Non-Creepy Guys do. Here are some behaviors that tend to come off as creepy no matter how attractive or socially skilled you are:
Staring from across the room for extended periods- A few glances are usually fine when trying to work up the courage to go talk to somebody you’re attracted to. However, if your gaze is locked on her and/or follows her around the room as you’re psyching yourself up, it makes you look like you’re plotting something. If she catches you, this alerts to her that you have some kind of intentions involving her and aren’t letting her know exactly what those are. This is creepy. The longer you do this for, the creepier it is.
Trapping and cornering – Placing yourself in a way that makes it difficult for her to leave the interaction rings alarm bells for many women. Elevators are particularly notorious for this. This also applies to trying to talk to her in situations where she is less able to leave such as while she’s working at a kiosk or front desk. In fact, showing up unannounced and uninvited to a woman’s workplace in general is pretty inconsiderate and potentially creepy. (see two items down)
Isolating – If you approach her exclusively while she’s alone and no one else is around, you may think you’re just keeping things comfortable and private. However, what this usually comes across as is making sure there are no witnesses, especially when accompanied by…
Following, lurking, lying-in-wait and “happening” to show up – Stalking, basically. This does not indicate mere interest but comes across as a secret plot. Appearing to have no life outside your secret plot is even worse.
…and last but not least:
Groping, lewd comments and open sexual harassment – The fact that there is confusion around this one boggles my mind. First of all, I imagine an infinitesimal few if any incidents of public sexual harassment have ever resulted in a woman jumping into the offender’s arms saying:
“Why, yes! I’d love to make you a sandwich!”
“Suck your cock? SURE!”
These overly bold guys are not trying to pick these women up. They’re putting on a display of dominance and enjoying getting responses out of the women they target —
Do you know what Non-Creepy Guys do that gets them both success in the dating world and keeps them free of the Creep-Stain?
They ask women out.
And if she says no?
They leave it be and move on.
Ugly, handsome, rich, poor, suave, or awkward, what keeps these guys from being labelled creepy is the fact that they are honest about their intentions and accept when they get turned down. It still may be disappointing and painful, but they don’t throw tantrums or press the issue. And if you can’t tell the difference between a casual “Hey, do you wanna go out sometime?” and “Tell me how much you want my caaahhk!” your issues and your creepage are way more than skin-deep.